Honesty is Always the Best Policy

Honesty can be a very tricky thing sometimes. It can be the breaking point, or it can be your saving grace. For me I have a problem being honest when confronted about my addiction. I don't know why this is exactly, but I think that it has become part of the addiction that I am going through. Relapse is preventable but very difficult to deal with. Many people who have not gone through addiction will look at you and say "why can't you just stop what you are doing?" "Don't you have any control?" The problem is that addiction, whether barely started or long-time user, is now hard wired into your brain. It's like a freeway with one off ramp and tens of millions of on-ramps. One way to help with relapse is to remember H.A.L.T.: Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. When you're in a position where one of these four situations can come up, stop, relocate, and do something. If you do get into one of these situations this is a point where you need to go to your support (people you closely trust) and be very truthful about what is happening. They are going to ask you questions and it will seem like they are judging, but they are not. They are trying to get all the information they can so that they can better help you. Be patient and completely honest with them because when you are honest with them you can start being honest with yourself about what is really going on. Addiction is a way to cover up what you have going on in your own life.It's a way to suppress what ever pain you may be going through.  When I started my porn addiction I was twelve. It started out as curiosity, but then it led to me using it because I was feeling lonely or bored. My mom had just had twin girls, and we were always taking people into our house. For some reason I felt like I just got lost in the mix, and if I didn't have a girlfriend at the time to make me feel loved I turned to porn. It has been a long road to get where I am, and it is still a long road yet. I have relapsed, and I have lied about my relapse, and when I do lie it tends to make the situation ten times worse. I lie because I have been lying to myself for eleven years now, and once you create a habit it is that much worse to break it. Honesty is not easy, but with the right support it doesn't have to be avoided. No matter what you need to be honest with yourself. That is key. It is the hardest thing you will EVER have to go through in your addiction, but once you do you can be honest with the people you love most.

You have Self Worth

Aside from the negative physical effects of addiction, there are psychological and emotional effects that are equally as devastating. As I think about this I can't help but to look at my own life. Ask anyone who knows me I am a quiet reserved guy, and I think this has a lot to do with my own perseption of my self worth. A lot of times I can sell myself short, or degrade myself, and it's because I have this feeling that because of what I do I have nothing to offer people. Well that's not true. If I take a step back and evaluate myself objectively I have a lot to offer people, but this wall that I have built up because of my addiction tends to cloud that. Addiction is not who you are it is a nasty habit that you need to take care of. You're self worth is not contigent upon whether or not you have an addiction, it is based on who you are as a person. Remember that the next time you think that you have nothing to offer.

The First Step is Always the Hardest

I am a recovering porn addict. Not many people can say that out loud without grinding their teeth or breaking up inside. This is the first entry that I am making is for people who have any sort of addiction and need and outlet without judgement. Here is safe and will be safe to ask questions, make comments, and open up to people about how you feel, what you are going through, and feel free of judgement. I will make sure that everyone is treated fairly without being chastized for being open, just please don't put me in a situation that requires me to shut down the site or testify against you in court. I am not a therapist or psychologist, but a man who is struggling with addiction. I'm hoping that through this site I can help others, and they can help me. So feel free to look around, comment, ask questions, and know that you aren't alone.