Temptations

So, I went to a twelve step group recently and we discussed what the triggers of most peoples addictions are. They are hungry, angry, lonley and tired or H.A.L.T. According to the group, when you start to feel these emotions then the best thing to do is to get as far away from that situation. However, if most guys are like me then by the time you realize you are in that situation then you are already taking part in your addiction. Why is this? Well it is because we have become so desensitized by our addiction that we don't notice our emotions or how we are feeling. So, we need to become pre-emptive. Take times out of your days to reconnect to thoise things we call feelings. Get to know them intimately. Start keeping a journal of how you are feeling through out the day and what you are doing at that point. By linking an action to the emotion your fronta lobe can identify and have recall on that emotion a lot better. Remember that part of addiction is relapse, but with the goal to minimize it as much as possible. If do have a relapse note it in your journal and mention how you have felt during that point. With these tools set in place you can hopefully regain those feelings and emotions that you had before your addiction took them away from you.

Why don't people understand me?

So, I was at work today talking to some of the people here about why addiction is so abundant and easily traversed. As my counselor explained it the way that addiction works is like a freeway that has tons of on ramps and almost no off ramps. Along with all these on ramps the freeway itself feels like it is constantly moving faster and faster and you feel that if you don't keep up with it you will lose yourself. You feel yourself constantly pushing the limits further and further, looking for the "greater high". Adrenaline junkies know the feeling all to well. So why is this so hard to understand from the outside perspective. Well for the simple fact that people are different. What arouses one person is meaningless to another. That is why there are so many different types of drugs out there. Marijuana is just fine for some people, while speed and cocaine is needed for other people. That is why there are so many pornographic websites. What does it for someone will have no effect for the other person. Often the initial thrill is enough to get someone hooked, but not enough to keep them satisfied. They then will go out and begin to push the boundaries and redefine what gives them that same thrill. Pretty soon it is no longer about the thrill any more, but has become a necessity for them. They cannot function without it. So, what can we do to provide these people with off ramps from their freeway. First thing is first there needs to be an intervention as early as possible. Often times people are drawn to addiction because it is taboo. When confronting someone do not tell them to stop simply because it is wrong. In their mind they are thinking "if it so wrong then why does it feel so good?" You have to identify why they enjoy the addiction. For me dealing with pornography the rush of possibly being caught started me on my addiction, then it moved into I enjoyed looking at women, and then enjoyed the movies. Had someone explained to me what it would eventually lead to when I first started I possibly would have weighed the consequences and decided I can get my thrill another way. But by people simply telling me it was wrong it fueled my thrill even more. Explain in depth why something is bad, and possibly offer and alternative. Once someone is stuck on the freeway it is harder to get them off. It usually takes a drastic change in order to help them. Relapse doesn't help the fact either, often times because a person isn't entirely off the freeway when they do relapse. You need to look at these people with understanding. I have a brother-in-law who was recently charged with drug possession. He had been doing so good for so long, but was caught by a moment of weakness. The worst thing we could have done to him at that point was to criticize, but we didn't. He freely chose to go to rehab and is doing a lot better now. When we allow addicts to choose their own fate and stand by them with understanding, love and guilt steer them to a good choice. It may not be a huge significant choice but they choose the right path and start working towards it. If you are someone who is dealing with addiction and you feel alone it isn't cause people hate you or don't want to be with you. They don't understand exactly what you are going through. It's hard for them to see from the sidelines that you are making bad decisions and are unwilling to change them. From your perspective it feels like you have no other option. My advise: Be patient with each other and the rest will follow.

Honesty is Always the Best Policy

Honesty can be a very tricky thing sometimes. It can be the breaking point, or it can be your saving grace. For me I have a problem being honest when confronted about my addiction. I don't know why this is exactly, but I think that it has become part of the addiction that I am going through. Relapse is preventable but very difficult to deal with. Many people who have not gone through addiction will look at you and say "why can't you just stop what you are doing?" "Don't you have any control?" The problem is that addiction, whether barely started or long-time user, is now hard wired into your brain. It's like a freeway with one off ramp and tens of millions of on-ramps. One way to help with relapse is to remember H.A.L.T.: Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. When you're in a position where one of these four situations can come up, stop, relocate, and do something. If you do get into one of these situations this is a point where you need to go to your support (people you closely trust) and be very truthful about what is happening. They are going to ask you questions and it will seem like they are judging, but they are not. They are trying to get all the information they can so that they can better help you. Be patient and completely honest with them because when you are honest with them you can start being honest with yourself about what is really going on. Addiction is a way to cover up what you have going on in your own life.It's a way to suppress what ever pain you may be going through.  When I started my porn addiction I was twelve. It started out as curiosity, but then it led to me using it because I was feeling lonely or bored. My mom had just had twin girls, and we were always taking people into our house. For some reason I felt like I just got lost in the mix, and if I didn't have a girlfriend at the time to make me feel loved I turned to porn. It has been a long road to get where I am, and it is still a long road yet. I have relapsed, and I have lied about my relapse, and when I do lie it tends to make the situation ten times worse. I lie because I have been lying to myself for eleven years now, and once you create a habit it is that much worse to break it. Honesty is not easy, but with the right support it doesn't have to be avoided. No matter what you need to be honest with yourself. That is key. It is the hardest thing you will EVER have to go through in your addiction, but once you do you can be honest with the people you love most.

You have Self Worth

Aside from the negative physical effects of addiction, there are psychological and emotional effects that are equally as devastating. As I think about this I can't help but to look at my own life. Ask anyone who knows me I am a quiet reserved guy, and I think this has a lot to do with my own perseption of my self worth. A lot of times I can sell myself short, or degrade myself, and it's because I have this feeling that because of what I do I have nothing to offer people. Well that's not true. If I take a step back and evaluate myself objectively I have a lot to offer people, but this wall that I have built up because of my addiction tends to cloud that. Addiction is not who you are it is a nasty habit that you need to take care of. You're self worth is not contigent upon whether or not you have an addiction, it is based on who you are as a person. Remember that the next time you think that you have nothing to offer.

The First Step is Always the Hardest

I am a recovering porn addict. Not many people can say that out loud without grinding their teeth or breaking up inside. This is the first entry that I am making is for people who have any sort of addiction and need and outlet without judgement. Here is safe and will be safe to ask questions, make comments, and open up to people about how you feel, what you are going through, and feel free of judgement. I will make sure that everyone is treated fairly without being chastized for being open, just please don't put me in a situation that requires me to shut down the site or testify against you in court. I am not a therapist or psychologist, but a man who is struggling with addiction. I'm hoping that through this site I can help others, and they can help me. So feel free to look around, comment, ask questions, and know that you aren't alone.